I know that the last several weeks have been hard on all my loyal readers. Many nights were spent awake and on those few occasions where you did drift into a depressing, sports-deprived slumber, you awoke in a sweat-drenched panic. But fret not, for I have returned.
I am completely aware of the plentitude of rumors surrounding my unannounced disappearance. There was that kidnapping story circulating the Internet, but those in the know reassured my concerned fan base that such claims were untrue. Then there was the bank robbery rumor, but let me just put that one to rest once and for all: It was my twin brother Andy Weinberger who robbed the Bank of America at gunpoint. I can’t even imagine the other stories you all conjured up. In reality, I actually have been writing sports articles these past few weeks, just as a freelance writer for another company.