Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Highs and Lows of Week 1

High: Ohhhhhhchocino

Chad Ochocinco put up quite the performance last weekend against the Pats. Why is this a high? Because he’s on my fantasy team of course! He was a nice surprise, catching 12 balls for 159 yards and a touchdown. However, Mr. 8 5, has a tendency to explode for huge performances and then disappear for weeks. Going back to 2007, over the course of 45 games, Ochocinco has 218 receptions for 3027 yards, and 21 touchdowns. However, over that same span Ochocinco has only 12 games of over 6 receptions, 11 games of over 100 yards, and scored a touchdown in 14 games. I hope he is still a major contributor for the upcoming week.

Low: Conclusion to the Cowboys-Redskins game

Am I upset the Cowboys lost? Hell no! So why the “low?” Well, the holding call against Alex Barron to end the game was just sooo anticlimactic. Poor guy, everyone’s going to call him a bonehead for his attempt to strangle/hold the incoming defensive end on the last play, but the fact is, if he didn’t hold the DE, Andre Carter, Romo probably would have been sacked. And that mindbogglingly awful series of events was just one of many atrocities performed by the Cowboys. Let’s not forget their loss is perhaps most attributed to the inexplicable call made by Wade Phillips to run a pitch play at the end of the first half. The play turned into a disaster when Tashard Choice fumbled to ball, which DeAngelo Hall of the Redskins then picked up and took the distance for a touchdown. Why not take a knee? Why not throw a hail marry? Why, why why? Well… I will answer that next.

High: Wade Phillips’ Face

Does he ever know what’s happening? I’m going to go with no, unless, of course, he just naturally looks like someone just told him field goals are worth 7 points. Now, a favorite STD Day award is the always-popular “Stan Van Gundy Face Creating Moment of the Week.” However, after viewing the look of utter confusion and hesitancy on Phillips, I have decided to not only give him the prestigious award for this week; I will rename the award partially after him. Therefore, there is no longer a “Stan Van Gundy Face Creating Moment of the Week,” but rather, a “Stan Van Gundy and Wade Phillips Joint Look of Confusion Creating Moment of the Week!” Congratulations Wade, I’d attribute this to momentous achievement to your unrelenting ability to convince me that you are the worst coach in the national football league. I look forward to more of the same from you. But still, there exists more from the game…

High: The John Gruden Award for Most Memorable Sports Comment of All Time

It may not be STD Day (sorry, next week hopefully) but I cannot pass up on the opportunity to award Chris Collinsworth, another primetime football color commentator, with the honor. An interesting matchup in the Cowboys-Redskins game was between DT Albert Haynesworth and Center Andre Gurode. In 2006 Haynesworth stomped on Gurode’s head following a play, resulting in thirty stitches (this really speaks to the weight of Haynesworth more than anything). Getting back to Collinsworth, in the fourth quarter of the game with seemingly no introduction, Collinsworth exclaimed, “Remember that time I stepped on your face!” – obviously referring to the 2 players. Perhaps even funnier than the actual statement was the fact that Collinsworth provided no context, saying nothing before or after the remark.

Low: Kansas City Cheerleaders

The only reasons cheerleaders are part of a football watching experience are to look hot and provide guys with an alternative to talking about football. Does anyone care about the actual cheering? Can anyone even hear the cheering? No and No. So, I don’t care if it’s raining, they should be out there in their normal attire. In the Monday Night football game against the Chargers, Kansas City cheerleaders were wearing garbage bags over their usual naked attire. Who are you kidding?

Tom: Look; those ponchos are 100% from recycled products and 100% biodegradable.
Me: Shut the hell up, Tom. Watch the game.

High: Arian Foster

Arian Foster rushed for 233 yards and 3 touchdowns in the Texans surprise victory over the Indianapolis Colts. He is on my fantasy team

Higher: Arian Foster

Arian Foster is on both of my Fantasy Teams.

Highest: Arian Foster

Hearing the following at both draft days: “Who’s Arian Foster?” “Um… bad pick.” “Way too early”

Low: All aspects of the Jets’ performance

Monday night was a travesty. There are honestly too many things to cover, but I’ll try.
1. Discipline: It didn’t exist. Braylon Edwards, Antonio Cromartie, Kyle Wilson, and countless other committed inexcusable penalties. There were a total of 14 different flags racking up 125 penalty yards. The Jets won’t beat a professional football team playing like that.
2. Antonio Cromartie and Kyle Wilson: I have said many times that Cromartie could have been the most meaningful acquisition made by any team this offseason, since he has the physical abilities to cover almost any receiver man on man. Kyle Wilson was the first round pick. Both got picked apart with seemingly every pass thrown their way, that is, except for when they committed penalties. The Jets won’t beat a professional football team playing like that.
3. Defensive coaching: Not really a major point of criticism by comparison to the other disaster areas, but I don’t understand why Rex Ryan left Wilson and Cromartie alone with Housh and Boldin for the whole game, while Revis effortlessly shut down the elderly Derrick Mason. Little adjustments can change the game.
4. Everything about the offense: The play calling was about as diverse as Wade Phillips’ facial expressions. The running game was more of a standing game. There was no passing game. Dustin Keller had one of the dumbest plays I’ve ever seen.

Low: My Playoff Predictions

My predicted division winners were The Jets (lost), The Ravens (won), The Colts (lost), The Chargers (lost), The Cowboys (lost), The Packers (won), The Saints (won), and The 49ers (lost). That’s a record of 3-5 for supposed division winners. Ouch.

High: Its only week one.


1 comment:

  1. late night (not sure why thats your name) you gotta realize that absolutely no one other than you gives a shit about your fantasty team. its called fantasy for a reason